Best friends & hypocrites

“Now you can’t break the ties that bind.”

When subtleties come to the fore and make themselves seen, suddenly everything is different. Thoughts may become even more caged while wandering eyes must remain idle. Then, you… I, realize that the thought hiding away in the back of my mind may become reality. But that’s worse case scenario, and we don’t want that happening. And as unconvincing as that last sentence sounds, know that I mean it. Fuck it; you’re never going to read this anyway, so does that make it unneeded justification or self validation? How the mind boggles. Your choice, or is it mine? You can decide. Looks like it’s yours.

Happiness comes at a price & so does selflessness, this is about me, for a change. Cynicism is making itself known, with the thoughts of it not lasting sprinting through my head and how that will affect things. How it will affect us, collectively. But airing my thoughts in the open would carry its own trouble. So I’ll leave those thoughts tucked away and let them bounce off my own bedroom walls, where I can catch them and keep recycling them. Then the feeling of guilt rings in to make its difficult appointment with my conscience. If things don’t end up so sweet in X amount of years can there be a positive outcome? You know, being split down the middle. Allegiances lie deeper in one camp than the other, but even then, it is not as clear cut as it once was. Routines wouldn’t be so routinely anymore, and time would have to be split. But that’s all hypothetical’s anyway, let’s not worry about that, until it rears its ugly head. Then it shall be dealt with in due course.

There I am, alone in the corner. Isolated in an empty room full of thoughts, imagining what’s being exchanged over a drink or two. But that’s all that can be done, imagine. I might run across someone’s lips once or twice, but that’s the only appearance I’ll ever make, for a while it seems anyway. And as I sat there unknowingly in the back of their minds, tucked away behind a million and one other thoughts, one day I will be seen. One day, when it’s probably too late. And here I was thinking I was optimistic.

Spots on leopards never change and some people just don’t grow up. But that can be expected with limited brain power. Oh, how harsh of me to look down on others from my higher place of moral ground. Stiff shit. You have to look up at everyone anyway, you should be used to it. Bitch.

A little rigid, and a little off centre. Fuck it, it was about time I mixed things up.

You’re your own worst critic. That I am.

“Sometimes you need to be selfish.”