Solutions

“I'm done with the games, I'll show him when he gets back.”

The urge is back and the match has been ignited and your eyes are ready to be set alight with amazement. It’s been three or so months, probably more, too long in between drinks if you ask me. But hey, three lines in and it seems like nothing has changed and everything is just flowing, the dots are being joined with ease and my fingertips just know what keys to hit. All because of a simple question. It can take the smallest thing to get things going again. And your question was it.

It’s eating you alive. Nibbling away, causing some discomfort in your frontal lobe. And there is nothing you can do about it because he’s half a world and 119 days away. Cue the slowest 119 days of your life to date. Unless, you can keep yourself occupied wondering. Wondering about him. Things change subtly, but you’re asking them to be put on display so he can pick up on the changes. And now, suddenly I am left wondering if the previous sentence links, and if I’ve started one too many sentences with the same word. Fuck it, if something is too perfect, you pick holes in it anyway. So as this continues, that four letter word makes itself (un)comfortable in the back of your mind and you can’t quite shake it. Not that you want to. Embrace it with semi open arms, clutch at it, not like you would with straws. Like you’re holding on to something tight.

Your walls are finally down, but not without caution hanging around. Face value is now going to be your second best friend as reading between the lines and hidden agendas take an unfamiliar back seat. But you said it yourself, he’s changed you, and the evidence is starting to come to light. So with the light shining on your new ways, and sly actions just a thing of the past, go for gold. Love him with all of your being, because, you, offer more than you will ever know.

“because I want to believe that I could ever be loved by him.”

But you’re willing to wait it out, and hope, have hope that he’ll come back the same person you knew a week ago. But that’s all you can do, hope.

“You’re turning into something you are not”